Bad Friend

Bad Friend

Bad Friend

The Bustin Brothers

The Bustin Brothers made their way through the crowd to the front, where a man was preaching loudly. He was saying the end of the world was nigh, and that everybody needed to repent for their sins or be left behind.

"I don't know Billy," Harry Bustin told his brother. "The stuff this guy is saying is pretty crazy. I don't think I believe him."

"I agree with you, Harry," Billy responded. "I think this guy is off his rocker. I can't believe these people are actually standing here and listening to this guy!"

"But, Billy, we're standing here listening to this guy," Harry said with a sheepish grin.

"Good one, Harry," Billy laughed.

Billy and Harry Bustin walked across the street to the bank to deposit their checks from their jobs at the oatmeal plant. The minute they walked in, they knew something was awry.

"You!" cried a voice. "Get on the floor!"

Robbers had held the bank up and all of the customers were huddled in a corner while the robbers took money from the vault.

"Do what he says!" cried a woman. "He's crazy and he'll kill all of us!"

"You thinking what I'm thinking, Harry?" Billy said.

"You know it. Let's get to it. Hiyah!"

The Bustin Brothers did flips in opposite directions and started engaging the robbers in hand to hand combat. Pretty soon they had stolen the guns from the robbers and tied them up. The people cheered the hero Bustin Brothers.

"All in a day's work," said Harry to the crowd.

"He's lying," Billy explained. "We actually work at the oatmeal factory and take karate lessons from our dad on weekends and some weeknights."

After splattering the brains of the bank customers on the walls by shooting them each execution style, the Bustin Brothers took the money and left. They walked out into the light and saw the crowd still gathered across the street.

"That guy is still preaching," Billy said.

"Yeah?" Harry said.

THE END

Erection Eliminators

Erection Eliminators Episode 1: Erection Eliminators Take Action

It's a tough job out here, but our services are of vital importance to the city. If everybody could just walk around with erections, our society would spin out of control. All this conspicuous arousal is poisonous to a functional community.

There! That guy has an erection. Move in, team!

*Wrestle wrestle wrestle*

Wait! His erection is growing!

"What'll we do, chief?"

Grab that erection! Grab it!

*Wrestle wrestle wrestle*

"Fucking cops! Unnhh....uunnnnnhhh."

"Chief, it's still getting bigger!"

Keep grabbing it! Keep rubbing it! There, that oughta do it.

The man's erection went away after our team did its job. Some people question our methods, but then, some people aren't one of the Erection Eliminators.

Imaginary Art Gallery Vol. 1

Painting #1

It's on canvas, and the painter used acrylics. It's a child playing in a garden and holding a little spade. There are a few flowers and some vegetables growing in the garden. The sky is blue. The painting is really good.

Drawing #1 and #2

This one is really small and in a frame. Wait, actually it's two drawings next to each other that are the same size, like a series. These are in pencil, and the first one is of an old wooden church. It's the type of church you'd picture people in a small rural town going to in the 1800s. The next drawing is of a group of people who are probably the churchgoers. These drawings don't really say anything.

Sculpture #1

This sculpture is made of plaster or something. It's just a big block, but there are sections missing from the block. It's like modern art. In some areas you can see all the way through the block to the other side. This might be trying to make a point about human connection and the influence art has on people's relationships with their surroundings.

Painting #2

This painting is huge. It's oil on canvas and it's just gigantic, taking up a huge portion of the wall and it's up high so it leers over you. It's a painting of some British soldiers. One of them has a bayonet and he's stabbing a soldier wearing blue (not sure which country the other guys are from). There is a big tree in the background and some hills are in the distance.

Sculpture #2

This sculpture looks like it was made out of clay and it's really small, like you could hold it in your hand. It's a few little African American children playing baseball. It's lovely and it feels sort of timeless.

How to Write a Play

The nature of showbusiness is such that plays are readily adapted into films in a manner that maintains the integrity of the original but also has the appeal of a Hollywood picture. It is with this in mind that I present to you the playwriting process, unabridged and without error. I hope this guide will help developing playwrites to hone their craft and usher in a golden age of playwriting and filmmaking. Go forth; heed my lessons and all will be well.

-Teddy Bosco


GUIDE TO PLAYWRITING BY TEDDY BOSCO
BY TEDDY BOSCO
edited by Teddy Bosco

Chapter 1
Getting Ideas for Plays

First you have to come up with an idea for a play. Come up with something that nobody has ever thought of before like a child who falls in love with a stuffed animal and ends up having sex with his sister and his mom. You could think of other ones like a blind guy who is sexually abused by a male gypsy king. Other ideas might include a guy who keeps horses in his house and forces his retarded stepchild to have sex with the horses, or an elderly widow who discovers four dead kittens in her bed because the crazy neighbor snuck in and stabbed them in the eyes with dried sticks of his own feces. Another possible plot could be this girl falls down a well and the well has pirhanas in it that her evil twin put in to kill her, and when the girl falls in she has her first period, and a shark in the well smells the blood and kills the girl. One more idea could be this guy who rapes and kills a bunch of his friends' grandmothers and then puts the corpses in bed with his friends while they're sleeping. Hopefully some of these ideas are getting your creative juices flowing so you can imagine some ideas of your own that are equally good.